How to Stop Intensive Parenting and Build a More Positive Relationship with Your Child

Are you exhausted from the continual stress of being an intensive parent? Do you find it difficult to establish limits, prioritize your needs, or give your kids autonomy? You are not alone. There is a growing trend toward intensive parenting, with many parents wondering if this is the best strategy. Maintaining a healthy balance between being involved in your child’s life and giving them room to develop independently is crucial. To assist you in escaping the vicious cycle of intensive parenting and establishing a more wholesome, good relationship with your child, we’ll look at some useful advice and tactics in this manual. 

Signs of Intensive Parenting 

Intensive parenting is a parenting style that focuses on constantly providing children with an enriching and nurturing environment. If you’re wondering whether you’re an intensive parent, look out for the following signs:

  1. Over-scheduling: Do you fill your child’s free time with extracurricular activities and classes? Are your child’s weekdays and weekends packed with structured activities? Over-scheduling can be a sign of intensive parenting. 
  2. Helicopter Parenting: Do you need to hover over your child and monitor their every move constantly? Do you struggle to let them make mistakes and learn from them? Helicopter parenting is another sign of intensive parenting. 
  3. Tiger Parenting: Do you have high expectations for your child’s academic and extracurricular performance? Do you push them to achieve their best, even if it conveys a lot of hard work and discipline? Tiger parenting is another sign of intensive parenting. 
  4. Attachment Parenting: Do you believe in building a strong emotional bond with your child? Do you prioritize nurturing and emotional support in your parenting style? Attachment parenting is another sign of intensive parenting. 
  5. Perfectionism: Do you strive for perfection in your own life and project this onto your child? Do you pressure your child to be perfect in their academic, athletic, or social pursuits? Perfectionism can be another sign of intensive parenting. 

Remember that not all these signs require you to be present for you to be an intensive parent. If you’re concerned about your parenting style, take a step back and consider whether you’re putting too much pressure on your child. Remember that every child is exceptional and has no right way to parent.

Consequences of Intensive Parenting 

While many parents who want to do the best for their kids may find intensive parenting alluring, it can harm both parents and kids. 

Negative Effects on Parents

  1. Burnout: Constantly taking on every responsibility in your child’s life may leave little time for self-care, which can result in feelings of weariness and burnout. 
  2. Financial Stress: Many rigorous parenting activities and programs can be expensive, which can cause financial stress. 
  3. Guilt: Parents who find it difficult to commit fully to strict parenting may feel responsible for their child’s failings. 

Negative Effects on Children

  1. Anxiety and Stress: Children subjected to intensive parenting may feel pressure to succeed in every area of their lives, which can cause anxiety and stress. 
  2. Fear of Failure: It can create a fear of failure in children, impacting their self-esteem and ability to handle challenges. 
  3. Lack of Independence: Hovering over children can make them feel incapable of making decisions independently, leading to a lack of independence. 
  4. Inability to Handle Adversity: Children raised in a sheltered and controlled environment may struggle to handle real-world challenges later in life. 

Involvement in their children’s lives and granting them the freedom to develop and learn independently must be balanced in the parenting role. Remembering that there is no perfect parent, and that parenting is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor is also crucial. 

Strategies for Quitting Intensive Parenting 

Struggling to find balance in your role as a parent? Take a step back with these helpful tips to achieve a more balanced approach to parenting. 

Assess your parenting style. 

Take a moment to evaluate your parenting style. Reflect on areas where you may be overly involved and consider the reasons behind your actions and what you hope to accomplish. 

Prioritize self-care. 

It is crucial to invest in self-care to prevent burnout and exhaustion. It may include dedicating time daily to engage in activities that bring you joy, like working out, reading, or pursuing a hobby. 

Set realistic expectations. 

Setting realistic goals for your child based on their abilities and interests is important. It’s okay if they don’t excel in every area of their life, and it’s best to avoid pushing them beyond their limits. 

Create boundaries. 

Encouraging independence and self-reliance in your child is crucial. It can be achieved by setting boundaries, such as giving them space, letting them make decisions on their own, and assigning tasks and responsibilities. 

It’s important to remember that parenting is not a competition, and there is no one perfect approach that works for every family. Each family is unique, so finding a parenting style that works best for your family is crucial. You can achieve this by molding realistic expectations, caring for yourself, and establishing boundaries. This balanced approach to parenting will help your child grow and succeed. 


Focus on Quality Time Over Quantity 

Intensive parents often believe spending as much time with their child is the key to good parenting. However, research shows that quality time is more important than quantity. Here are some ways to focus on quality time with your child: 

  1. Set aside common one-on-one time with your child. It can be as uncomplicated as a weekly outing to a park, museum, or family game night. 
  2. Be present and engaged during your time together. Put out your mobile phone and other distractions and concentrate on enjoying the moment with your child. 
  3. Follow your child’s lead. Let your child choose the activity or conversation topic and show genuine interest and enthusiasm. 
  4. Practice active listening. Ask open-ended questions and listen to your child’s responses. It can help deepen your relationship and build trust. 

Coping with Guilt and Shame 

Quitting intensive parenting can be a difficult and emotional process. Parents may feel guilty or ashamed for not living up to societal expectations or their beliefs about parenting. Here are some practices to cope with these feelings: 

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s normal to feel guilty or ashamed when changing your parenting style. Recognize and accept these feelings and remember that making mistakes is okay. 
  2. Reframe Your Perspective: Instead of focusing on what you’re giving up, think about what you’re gaining by quitting intensive parenting. It might include more time for self-care, stronger relationships with your child, and a more relaxed and enjoyable family life. 
  3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and gentle with yourself as you make these changes. Remember that parenting is a journey, and there is no “right” way. Treat yourself with the exact love and compassion you would show your child. 


In terms of parenting, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to go about it. The benefits of witnessing our children mature and become independent and self-sufficient adults might be missed when we fall into the trap of intensive parenting. By examining your parenting style, placing self-care first, establishing reasonable expectations, and setting boundaries, you may start the process of having a more positive relationship with your child. There will be ups and downs throughout parenting; keep that in mind. However, you may support your child’s success and development into their best selves by adopting a more balanced strategy. 

PDS Australia empowers families to build strong relationships with their children, create a safe environment for their children’s development, and ensure the best possible outcomes for their children.