Toddler Behavior Solutions: 6 Effective Ways to Enhance Understanding and Patience During the Terrible Twos and Beyond 

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Parenting a toddler is a journey packed with joys and demanding situations, particularly at some stage in the phase often called the “Terrible Twos” and beyond. Understanding and patience are crucial to nurturing tremendous behaviours and fostering wholesome development in young kids.  
In this article, we will explore six effective ways to navigate and positively influence toddler behavior.  From embracing developmental milestones to setting up regular workouts and practising superb communication, each strategy aims to guide parents in managing not unusual, demanding situations, including tantrums and defiance. 

Embracing Developmental Milestones: 

Developmental Milestones

Understanding toddlers’ developmental milestones is critical for parents in navigating the dynamic levels of early life. These milestones, from motor abilities to social and cognitive improvement, form a child’s behaviour and abilities at some point in youth.   

Each milestone done via a little one influences their behaviour in beautiful ways. For instance, as they learn to crawl or walk, their newfound mobility may lead to exploration and coffee mischief. Similarly, language development milestones can affect verbal exchange styles and frustration stages. By spotting these milestones, the dad and mom gain insights into the underlying motives for their baby’s behaviours.  

Recognising that certain behaviours are a natural part of developmental progression enables us to respond calmly and correctly. Rather than viewing challenging behaviours as deliberate defiance, the mother and father can appreciate them as opportunities for getting to know and increase.  

The Power of Positive Communication: 

Clear and positive conversation is the cornerstone of fostering a deep connection with our toddler. As parents, caregivers, and mentors, how we communicate shapes their information about the arena and profoundly impacts their conduct. 

 

Simplicity is Key: Use honest language to ensure toddlers understand instructions truly. For instance, say “Let’s tidy up your toys” instead of “Please clean up your toys.” 

Active Listening: Show proper interest by giving your complete attention and validating their feelings. This encourages toddlers to communicate more correctly.  

Non-verbal Cues: Use facial expressions, gestures, and contact to reinforce verbal conversation. A smile or a mild pat on the shoulder can deliver reassurance and help.  

Building Trust: Effective conversation fosters consideration and strengthens the bond between the determined and the baby, growing nurturing surroundings for the emotional boom. 

Encouraging Expression: By listening actively and responding empathetically, you empower toddlers to express themselves confidently and develop crucial conversation skills. 

Establishing Consistent Routines 

Consistency is the cornerstone of effective toddler parenting. It imparts a sense of predictability and security, which is critical for their improvement. Establishing and maintaining daily routines facilitates babies’ sense of safety and fosters a smoother flow of daily activities.  

Set Regular Times: It all starts with consistent wake-up and bedtime schedules. This simple routine adjustment can have a significant impact on our toddlers’ health and temperament, as it helps to regulate their biological clock and ensures they get the rest they need.  

Meal and Snack Times: Schedule meals and snacks at predictable durations to prevent starvation-induced tantrums and promote wholesome eating behavior.  

Structured Activities:  Don’t forget to include playtime, reading, and outdoor exploration in your daily routine. These activities are not just fun, they also play a crucial role in stimulating your toddler’s learning and engagement, setting the stage for their future development.  

Transition Strategies: Use easy cues like songs or timers to sign transitions among sports, helping toddlers modify smoothly.  

Flexibility: Maintain flexibility to accommodate unforeseen activities, even adhering to the general structure.  

Regular exercises offer infants security and empowerment, fostering independence and emotional regulation. Moreover, based days give the complete advantage of owning a family by growing a harmonious ecosystem and reducing strain levels. 

Positive Reinforcement Techniques 

Positive reinforcement stands as a cornerstone for nurturing positive behaviors and fostering supportive surroundings. By successfully utilising tremendous reinforcement techniques, mother and father can guide and rejoice in their toddler’s developmental milestones. Here are actionable techniques for implementing tremendous reinforcement:  

  • Praise is a powerful tool. Acknowledge precise behaviors right away with enthusiasm and sincerity. For instance, saying, “You did a great job sharing your toys!” reinforces positive actions positively. 
  • Use rewards thoughtfully. Small, instant rewards, like stickers or more playtime, can encourage toddlers to retain applicable behaviors. Remember to hold rewards accessible and age-appropriate, aligning them with your infant’s pursuits and choices.  
  • Consistency is vital. Constantly reinforce positive behaviors to assist infants in apprehending expectations and increasing lasting behavior. By creating positive surroundings and celebrating successes, you can successfully guide your baby through the challenges of the “Terrible Twos” and beyond. 

Managing Challenging Behaviors 

Challenging Behaviors 

Dealing with tantrums, defiance, and separation anxiety can be daunting for any figure or caregiver. However, information and proactive techniques can make a significant difference in fostering fantastic consequences. When confronted with tantrums, it’s crucial to approach the scenario with empathy instead of frustration. Acknowledging your little one’s emotions validates them and helps them feel understood.  

Defiance often stems from a little one’s burgeoning independence and choice to assert themselves. Setting clear, age-suitable boundaries is crucial, followed by steady enforcement with gentle reminders of expectations. Redirecting their interest to opportunity sports also can help diffuse defiance.  

Separation tension, a common project, can be controlled through sluggish publicity and reassurance. Building belief and offering consolation throughout separations, such as daycare drop-offs, facilitates alleviating their tension over time. 

Self-Care for Parents 

Amidst the day-by-day whirlwind of managing toddler behavior, parents must prioritise their well-being. Acknowledging the demands we face as caregivers is the first step closer to maintaining staying power and resilience.  

Self-care isn’t a luxury but a need. Here are realistic guidelines that will help you recharge and navigate the thrill and challenges of parenting:  

  • Prioritise Rest: Ensure you get enough sleep each night. If possible, consider taking short naps during the day to replenish your strength.  
  • Seek Support: Build an assisted community of your family, buddies, or fellow dad and mom. Having someone to proportion reports and offer advice may be priceless.  
  • Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness techniques into your daily routine. Taking a few minutes to breathe deeply or meditate can reduce strain and promote clarity.  
  • Stay Active:  Physical activity is a first-rate stress reliever. Whether you are doing a brisk walk, yoga session, or workout, ordinary exercise can improve your mood and power stages.  
  • Set Boundaries:  Learn to say no when needed and prioritise tasks. Balancing obligations prevents burnout and allows for quality time with your little one.  
  • Engage in Hobbies: Make time for activities you enjoy. Whether analysing, gardening, or portraying, pursuing hobbies nurtures your passions and provides mental rest. 

Invest in your child’s future with understanding! 

Understanding and endurance during the toddler years are essential for nurturing superb development and toddler behavior in our children. Embrace this parenting adventure with self-assurance and compassion, recognising the particular challenges and joys it brings. Your dedication and supportive approach create a nurturing environment that promotes your toddler’s growth and well-being.  

For further guidance and support on parenting toddlers, explore the resources available through PDSAustralia. We can empower each other to enrich our children’s lives with love and wisdom. 

Raising Happy Kids: The Advantages of Positive Parenting Techniques 

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“Positive Parenting Techniques: Their Importance for Raising Happy Kids” is very much the roadmap in fulfilling the main tasks that parents hope to achieve for their children: “The benefits of positive parenting techniques” span wide and are central in the life of striving to bring up a child with happiness and success. Following these helps to create a nurturing environment where For instance, positive parenting is practised through empathy, clear communication, and constructive discipline, which enable parents and ‘their children’ to build strong, trust-filled relationships. This opening guide will enlighten you on the transforming power of positive parenting strategies and will illustrate their contribution to the development not only for the creation of resilient, confident children but also for the creation of harmonious, joyful dynamics within the family. 

The Heart of Positive Parenting Positive parenting is deeply at its core about developing a strong, deeply rooted relationship with our children based on mutual respect and understanding. It means guiding them through the labyrinth of life with a gentle hand, not ruling with an iron fist. 

Think of doing a dance with your child, where you are partners in moving and stepping: sometimes one takes the lead, and then sometimes the other takes the lead, but always there is movement together. 

Personal Insight 

I have seen success in being a mother myself. There have been days where I have lost patience, and the opportunity was so tempting to revert to the “because I said so” mentality. 

However, deciding to look into my child’s eyes and communicate at their eye level, whereby I would kneel down, helped not only be more successful in solving the conflicts but creating the connection with my child. 

The Science Behind the Smile: Benefits of Positive Parenting 

Positive Parenting 

Well, this time, let’s go under the covers with this one. What makes positive parenting so effective? Here, according to research, I have a smattering of my own findings along the way. 

Building Self-Esteem and Confidence 

Children who grow up under positive parenting most likely build high self-esteem and confidence. It’s like watering a plant with love and care; one can almost see it bloom right before his eyes. 

We teach them the actual value of persistence by appreciating their effort at work and celebrating their success, and thus, also assist them during their failures with supportive feedback. 

Enhancing Communication Skills 

Communication Skills

Positive parenting opens up the pathways of communication-based on trust and openness. The same would be true of the bridges over the river, which connect two islands and allow free and easy passage of thoughts and feelings. 

This not only helps resolve conflicts but also helps us understand our child’s unique perspective on the world. 

Fostering Independence and Creativity 

Positive parenting inspires a child to be independent and creative by letting them express their explorations and choices within specified limits. It’s just like offering them a canvas and a set of paints—so that you give them the tools to work with, but the masterpiece they create is wholly their own. 

Practical Tips for Implementing Positive Parenting Techniques 

But that’s the theory; now, putting it into practice is where the real magic starts taking place. Some practical ways to help you with that are the following: 

Set Clear Boundaries With Love 

Boundaries are very important, but it’s just the way it is done. Instead of telling the kind of rule with a stern voice, explain why it needs to be that way. It’s just like putting up a fence around the playground area. The fence is not there to spoil the fun, but it’s there so children are safe. Use Positive Reinforcement 

Catch your child doing good and praise him for it; this way, the positive reinforcement not only promotes good behaviour but also brings about a positive self-image. Think of it as the sun; just as plants bend towards sunlight, children lean towards receiving positive attention. 

Practice Empathy 

Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes. Show a bit more empathy for your child’s feelings and reactions. Quite like learning a foreign language. Quite difficult at the onset, but once mastered, a totally new form of communication is opened to you. Lead by Example: Children are great imitators. Show them the way by practically doing it yourself, kinda like being an orchestra conductor. Where you lead, they will follow.  

  

Conclusion  

Raising happy children is all about bringing intuition together with technique and love with discipline in an art form decorated and illuminated with the riches positive parenting techniques bring. Not only do we light the way for our children, but we rediscover the joy of parenting. It’s a journey worth taking, filled with moments of laughter, learning, and love. After all, it’s not that the aim is to reach perfection by the end of the day. It’s just to be an affirmative parent. And let’s see if we manage to make our home abound in understanding, respect, and, what’s most important, joy. Cheers for one more round of bringing up a happy, confident, and well-balanced kid! 

Counseling Psychology Degrees: What You Need to Know

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A career in counseling psychology can be highly rewarding for those with a genuine desire to impact people’s mental well-being positively. However, to become a licensed counseling psychologist, one must possess specific skills and undergo rigorous training. This guide offers a comprehensive overview of the educational path and requirements, including the necessary skills and competencies and steps to achieve licensure. Whether you are just starting or looking to advance your career, this guide will provide valuable insights and actionable steps to help you achieve your goals. 

What is a Counseling Psychologist and Their Role? 

Before discussing the educational prerequisites, let’s define the role of a counseling psychologist. These professionals are critical in helping individuals deal with complex emotional, psychological, and interpersonal issues. They assist people in managing anxiety, addressing depression, and navigating through challenging relationship dynamics. Counseling psychologists provide valuable support and guidance to those in need. 

Their role goes beyond just listening; it involves a comprehensive approach to helping individuals improve their mental well-being and lead fulfilling lives. Counseling psychologists utilize various therapeutic techniques and strategies to facilitate personal growth, emotional resilience, and effective coping mechanisms. 

Through a collaborative and empathetic process, counseling psychologists create a safe, non-judgmental space where clients can openly express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. They work with individuals of all ages, from children to older people, and tailor their approach to suit each client’s unique needs. 

Counseling psychologists are equipped to address a wide spectrum of concerns, including but not limited to: 

  • Anxiety and Stress Management: Helping clients develop strategies to manage anxiety and stress daily. 
  • Depression and Mood Disorders: Assisting individuals in understanding and navigating their feelings of sadness and hopelessness. 
  • Relationship and Interpersonal Issues: Guiding to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and foster healthier relationships. 
  • Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress: Supporting individuals who have experienced trauma and helping them cope with its aftermath. 
  • Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence: Empowering clients to develop a positive self-image and build self-confidence. 
  • Career and Academic Challenges: Assisting clients in making informed decisions about their careers and education paths. 
  • Addiction and Substance Abuse: Offering support to individuals struggling with addiction and substance abuse issues. 
  • Grief and Loss: Providing a space for clients to process their emotions and find ways to cope with loss. 
  • Identity and Cultural Exploration: Helping individuals explore their identities and navigate cultural challenges. 

Now, we will delve into the educational path aspiring counseling psychologists must take, shedding light on the specific steps involved in pursuing this fulfilling career. 

What Degree Do You Need to Be a Counseling Psychologist? 

The path to becoming a counseling psychologist involves several key milestones. Let’s break them down step by step. 

Bachelor’s Degree: Laying the Foundation 

The journey begins with a bachelor’s degree in psychology or a closely related field. This undergraduate program provides: 

  • A solid foundation in psychology. 
  • Helping you understand human behavior. 
  • Research methods. 
  • The basic principles of the field. 

Master’s Degree: Specialization and Skill Development 

After completing your bachelor’s degree, the next step is pursuing a master’s degree in counseling psychology. This is where you’ll focus specifically on counseling techniques, assessment methods, and intervention strategies. It’s a crucial phase in your journey toward becoming a licensed counseling psychologist. 

Doctoral Degree: The Essential Goal 

To become a fully licensed counseling psychologist, a doctoral degree is essential. You have two primary options: a Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D.) or a Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.) in Counseling Psychology. 

Psy.D.: This practitioner-focused degree emphasizes clinical skills and hands-on experience. It’s an excellent choice if you aspire to work directly with clients. 

Ph.D.: The Ph.D. route places a stronger emphasis on research and academia. Graduates often pursue careers in research, teaching, and clinical practice. 

Post-Doctoral Experience 

Upon earning your doctoral degree, you must complete a post-doctoral supervised experience. This phase, lasting one to two years, allows you to further refine your clinical skills under the guidance of a licensed psychologist. 

State Licensing 

To practice as a counseling psychologist, you must obtain a state license. Licensing requirements vary from state to state but typically include passing the Examination for Professional Practice in Psychology (EPPP) and completing a specified number of supervised hours. 

Beyond Degrees: Skills and Qualities 

While earning the right degrees is crucial, successful counseling psychologists also possess a range of skills and qualities that are essential for their work: 

  • Empathy: The ability to understand and share the feelings of others is at the core of effective counseling. 
  • Active Listening: Being fully present and attentive to your clients is key to building trust and rapport. 
  • Communication Skills: Clear and compassionate communication helps clients open up and explore their thoughts and emotions. 
  • Problem-Solving: Counseling psychologists help clients identify and address challenges requiring strong problem-solving skills. 
  • Cultural Competence: Sensitivity to cultural diversity is crucial when working with clients from different backgrounds. 
  • Ethical Judgment: Upholding ethical standards is paramount in the field of psychology. 
  • Resilience: Dealing with clients’ emotional issues can be emotionally taxing, so resilience is vital. 

Specializations in Counseling Psychology 

Counseling psychology offers various specializations, allowing you to focus on specific areas of interest: 

Marriage and Family Therapy 

Counseling psychologists specializing in marriage and family therapy work with couples and families to address relationship challenges, communication issues, and other interpersonal concerns. 

Substance Abuse Counseling 

Professionals in this specialization help individuals struggling with addiction, providing support, therapy, and guidance on recovery. 

School Counseling 

School counselors work in educational settings, assisting students with academic, social, and emotional challenges. 

Career Counseling 

Career counselors help individuals make informed career choices, navigate job transitions, and develop vocational skills. 

Trauma and Crisis Counseling 

Professionals in this specialization assist individuals coping with trauma, grief, and crises. 

In conclusion, counseling psychology is a rewarding career that requires significant academic dedication. To become a counseling psychologist, one must earn a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree, and a doctoral degree, followed by post-doctoral experience and state licensure. In addition to academic qualifications, it is essential to have well-developed skills in empathy and active listening.  

If you’re an expert looking to pursue this field, you should be prepared to commit to a rigorous educational program that will equip you with various research tools, assessment techniques, and interventions to help individuals with mental health concerns. While the journey demands dedication and resilience, it is a fulfilling career that allows you to impact people’s lives positively. With a heart full of compassion, you can help people overcome their challenges one counseling session at a time. 

Co-Parenting: The Secret to Raising Happy Children Despite Living Apart – What Does It Mean?

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Co-parenting is a concept that has gained significant importance in recent years as modern families evolve and adapt to changing dynamics. But what does co-parenting mean? Co-parenting refers to the collaborative effort of two parents, usually after a separation or divorce, to raise and care for their children together, despite living apart. It involves sharing responsibilities, decision-making, and providing emotional support to ensure the well-being and healthy development of the children involved.

What Does Co-Parenting Mean in Real Life?

At its core, co-parenting signifies the collaborative effort of two parents to share the responsibilities of raising their child, even if they no longer share a household. This arrangement involves making joint decisions about the child’s well-being, education, healthcare, and emotional support. Co-parenting emphasizes the importance of maintaining a healthy and supportive relationship with both parents, ensuring that the child feels loved and cared for despite the changes in the family structure.

The Importance of Co-Parenting in a Child’s Life 

Co-parenting is pivotal in shaping a child’s future and emotional well-being. Children who experience positive co-parenting tend to have better self-esteem, higher academic achievements, and improved social skills. Moreover, the stability and consistency offered by co-parenting reduces stress and anxiety, providing a solid foundation for the child’s growth and development. 

The Challenges and Triumphs of Co-Parenting 

Co-parenting is not without its challenges. The initial adjustment period may be rocky, filled with conflicting emotions and logistical hurdles. However, with open communication and a willingness to cooperate, many parents find that co-parenting can lead to a harmonious and rewarding experience. Balancing work, personal life, and parenting responsibilities can be daunting, but co-parents can turn challenges into triumphs by supporting each other. 

What Does Co-Parenting Mean for Separated Parents? 

  1. Effective Communication: Co-parenting requires open and honest communication between parents. Both should be able to discuss matters concerning the children without hatred or hostility. 
  2. Putting Children First: Successful co-parenting means prioritizing the needs of the children over personal differences or grievances. 
  3. Consistency and Routine: Children thrive on stability, so establishing consistent household routines can ease the transition. 
  4. Flexibility and Compromise: Flexibility and willingness to compromise on parenting arrangements can foster a healthier co-parenting relationship. 
  5. Respecting Each Other’s Parenting Styles: While differences in parenting styles are natural, respecting and supporting each other’s approaches is vital for a cohesive co-parenting dynamic. 

Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting: What Sets Them Apart? 

Co-parenting and parallel parenting often come up in discussions about post-separation child-rearing. Understanding their differences is crucial in choosing the right approach for your family. 

  1. Co-Parenting: Co-parenting involves active collaboration between parents, fostering open communication and shared decision-making. This approach works best when parents can maintain a respectful and amicable relationship. 
  2. Parallel Parenting: Parallel parenting, on the other hand, is characterized by minimal direct communication between parents. Each parent assumes responsibility for the child during their designated time, reducing potential conflicts. 

What Does Co-Parenting Mean for Legal Arrangements? 

Co-parenting, though not legally binding, often forms the basis for custody agreements and parenting plans after a divorce or separation. Family courts recognize the importance of co-parenting and encourage parents to prioritize the child’s best interests when determining custody arrangements. 

Co-Parenting With a Narcissist or High-Conflict Ex-Partner 

Dealing with a narcissistic or high-conflict ex-partner in a co-parenting setting can be challenging. These individuals may prioritize their needs over the child’s, leading to constant clashes and emotional turmoil. However, by setting firm boundaries and seeking professional support, co-parents can effectively manage such situations and shield their children from unnecessary stress. 

What Does Co-Parenting Mean for New Partners? 

Introducing new partners into a co-parenting arrangement requires delicate handling. Co-parents must ensure their children feel comfortable and secure in this new dynamic. Open communication with new partners and mutual respect among all parties is essential to maintain a harmonious environment for the children. 

Practical Tips for Co-Parenting 

Co-parenting can be challenging, but parents can overcome obstacles and create a successful co-parenting dynamic with the right approach and mindset. Here are some practical tips for co-parenting that can help foster a healthy and supportive environment for children: 

  1. Put Children First: Always prioritize the well-being and happiness of your children. Consider what is best for them when making decisions, even if it requires compromise. 
  2. Establish Consistent Rules: Create consistent rules and routines between households. This provides stability and helps children know what to expect, reducing stress during transitions. 
  3. Effective Communication: Keep the lines of communication open with your co-parent. Share important information about the children’s activities, health, and school progress. Utilize tools like shared calendars or co-parenting apps to stay organized. 
  4. Be Respectful: Treat your co-parent respectfully and avoid negative talk or criticism in front of the children. Maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship sets a good example for your children. 
  5. Flexibility is Key: Life can be unpredictable, and plans may need to change. Be flexible and understanding when unexpected situations arise. 
  6. Support the Other Parent: Encourage your children to maintain a strong relationship with the other parent. Avoid putting them in the middle of conflicts. 
  7. Attend Important Events Together: Whenever possible, attend significant events, such as school functions or extracurricular activities, together as a show of support for your children. 
  8. Seek Mediation if Necessary: If communication between you and your co-parent becomes challenging, consider seeking the help of a mediator to facilitate productive discussions. 
  9. Celebrate Special Occasions Jointly: For holidays and birthdays, consider celebrating together as a family. This can create cherished memories for your children. 
  10. Self-Care Matters: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. A healthy and well-adjusted co-parent can better support their children. 

Coping with Emotions during Co-Parenting 

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce can evoke many emotions for both parents. Here are some strategies to navigate these feelings and create a supportive environment for your children: 

  1. Acknowledge Your Emotions: It’s normal to experience a mix of emotions during co-parenting. Recognize and accept these feelings without judgment. 
  2. Focus on Your Children: Redirect your energy towards being present for your children. Engage in activities that strengthen your bond and provide comfort to them. 
  3. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or support groups for emotional support. Talking with others who have experienced co-parenting can be comforting. 
  4. Create Boundaries: Set boundaries with your co-parent to protect your emotional well-being. Avoid discussing personal matters beyond co-parenting topics. 
  5. Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of your physical and emotional needs. Engage in activities that bring you joy and reduce stress. 
  6. Seek Professional Help: If emotions become overwhelming, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. Professional support can provide valuable coping strategies. 

Co-Parenting Resources and Support 

Co-parenting can be smoother with access to resources and support. Here are some places to find assistance: 

  1. Co-Parenting Classes: Look for local or online co-parenting classes that guide effective techniques and communication skills. 
  2. Parenting Books and Websites: Numerous books and websites are dedicated to co-parenting. Explore these resources for valuable insights and tips. 
  3. Family Counseling Services: Family counselors can offer personalized guidance and support for co-parents dealing with specific challenges. 
  4. Online Support Groups: Join online forums or social media groups focused on co-parenting. Sharing experiences with others in similar situations can be beneficial. 
  5. Mediation Services: Mediators can help co-parents resolve conflicts and find common ground on important decisions.

Co-Parenting Communication Strategies 

Effective communication is crucial for successful co-parenting. Here are some strategies to improve communication with your co-parent: 

  1. Active Listening: Pay close attention to what your co-parent says and ask clarifying questions to ensure understanding. 
  2. Choose the Right Time and Place: Avoid discussing sensitive matters with the children. Find a private and neutral location for important conversations. 
  3. Use “I” Statements: Frame your concerns or opinions using “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming the other parent. 
  4. Stay Calm and Respectful: Keep emotions in check during discussions. Maintain a respectful tone, even during disagreements. 
  5. Compromise and Find Common Ground: Be willing to find solutions that work for both parents and, most importantly, benefit the children. 
  6. Put it in Writing: When making important decisions, consider putting them in writing to avoid misunderstandings in the future. 

What Does Co-Parenting Mean Legally? 

Co-parenting, though not a legal term, is the foundation for many custody arrangements and parenting plans. Family courts often encourage parents to embrace co-parenting to meet the child’s best interests. 

What Does Co-Parenting Mean for Siblings? 

Co-parenting with multiple children can present unique challenges. Each child’s needs must be considered, and siblings should be encouraged to maintain strong bonds despite living in separate households. 

What Does Co-Parenting Mean for Grandparents and Extended Family? 

Including grandparents and extended family in the co-parenting process can benefit the child. They can offer additional emotional support and stability. 

Conclusion 

In conclusion, co-parenting is a journey that requires dedication, understanding, and a willingness to prioritize the well-being of the children involved. It may have its challenges, but the rewards are immeasurable – seeing your children grow into well-adjusted, happy individuals with the love and support of both parents. 

While the question “What does co-parenting mean?” might lead to various answers, the core message remains the same: co-parenting means putting the needs of the children first and working together as a team to ensure their happiness and success. By embracing this concept and actively engaging in positive co-parenting practices, you can create a loving and stable environment that will benefit your children for a lifetime. So, let’s embark on this co-parenting journey with an open heart and a commitment to providing the best for our children. 

FAQs 

What does co-parenting mean legally? 

Co-parenting is not legally binding, but it often forms the basis of a custody agreement or parenting plan after a divorce or separation. 

Can co-parenting work if one parent is absent or uncooperative? 

While co-parenting is most effective when parents actively participate, it can still work if one parent is absent or uncooperative. The engaged parent should focus on providing the children with a stable and loving environment. 

Is co-parenting the right choice for everyone? 

Co-parenting is generally considered the best option for children’s well-being, but it may not suit every situation. In cases of abuse or serious conflict, alternative arrangements may be necessary. 

How to Stop Intensive Parenting and Build a More Positive Relationship with Your Child

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Are you exhausted from the continual stress of being an intensive parent? Do you find it difficult to establish limits, prioritize your needs, or give your kids autonomy? You are not alone. There is a growing trend toward intensive parenting, with many parents wondering if this is the best strategy. Maintaining a healthy balance between being involved in your child’s life and giving them room to develop independently is crucial. To assist you in escaping the vicious cycle of intensive parenting and establishing a more wholesome, good relationship with your child, we’ll look at some useful advice and tactics in this manual. 

Signs of Intensive Parenting 

Intensive parenting is a parenting style that focuses on constantly providing children with an enriching and nurturing environment. If you’re wondering whether you’re an intensive parent, look out for the following signs:

  1. Over-scheduling: Do you fill your child’s free time with extracurricular activities and classes? Are your child’s weekdays and weekends packed with structured activities? Over-scheduling can be a sign of intensive parenting. 
  2. Helicopter Parenting: Do you need to hover over your child and monitor their every move constantly? Do you struggle to let them make mistakes and learn from them? Helicopter parenting is another sign of intensive parenting. 
  3. Tiger Parenting: Do you have high expectations for your child’s academic and extracurricular performance? Do you push them to achieve their best, even if it conveys a lot of hard work and discipline? Tiger parenting is another sign of intensive parenting. 
  4. Attachment Parenting: Do you believe in building a strong emotional bond with your child? Do you prioritize nurturing and emotional support in your parenting style? Attachment parenting is another sign of intensive parenting. 
  5. Perfectionism: Do you strive for perfection in your own life and project this onto your child? Do you pressure your child to be perfect in their academic, athletic, or social pursuits? Perfectionism can be another sign of intensive parenting. 

Remember that not all these signs require you to be present for you to be an intensive parent. If you’re concerned about your parenting style, take a step back and consider whether you’re putting too much pressure on your child. Remember that every child is exceptional and has no right way to parent.

Consequences of Intensive Parenting 

While many parents who want to do the best for their kids may find intensive parenting alluring, it can harm both parents and kids. 

Negative Effects on Parents

  1. Burnout: Constantly taking on every responsibility in your child’s life may leave little time for self-care, which can result in feelings of weariness and burnout. 
  2. Financial Stress: Many rigorous parenting activities and programs can be expensive, which can cause financial stress. 
  3. Guilt: Parents who find it difficult to commit fully to strict parenting may feel responsible for their child’s failings. 

Negative Effects on Children

  1. Anxiety and Stress: Children subjected to intensive parenting may feel pressure to succeed in every area of their lives, which can cause anxiety and stress. 
  2. Fear of Failure: It can create a fear of failure in children, impacting their self-esteem and ability to handle challenges. 
  3. Lack of Independence: Hovering over children can make them feel incapable of making decisions independently, leading to a lack of independence. 
  4. Inability to Handle Adversity: Children raised in a sheltered and controlled environment may struggle to handle real-world challenges later in life. 

Involvement in their children’s lives and granting them the freedom to develop and learn independently must be balanced in the parenting role. Remembering that there is no perfect parent, and that parenting is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor is also crucial. 

Strategies for Quitting Intensive Parenting 

Struggling to find balance in your role as a parent? Take a step back with these helpful tips to achieve a more balanced approach to parenting. 

Assess your parenting style. 

Take a moment to evaluate your parenting style. Reflect on areas where you may be overly involved and consider the reasons behind your actions and what you hope to accomplish. 

Prioritize self-care. 

It is crucial to invest in self-care to prevent burnout and exhaustion. It may include dedicating time daily to engage in activities that bring you joy, like working out, reading, or pursuing a hobby. 

Set realistic expectations. 

Setting realistic goals for your child based on their abilities and interests is important. It’s okay if they don’t excel in every area of their life, and it’s best to avoid pushing them beyond their limits. 

Create boundaries. 

Encouraging independence and self-reliance in your child is crucial. It can be achieved by setting boundaries, such as giving them space, letting them make decisions on their own, and assigning tasks and responsibilities. 

It’s important to remember that parenting is not a competition, and there is no one perfect approach that works for every family. Each family is unique, so finding a parenting style that works best for your family is crucial. You can achieve this by molding realistic expectations, caring for yourself, and establishing boundaries. This balanced approach to parenting will help your child grow and succeed. 

 

Focus on Quality Time Over Quantity 

Intensive parents often believe spending as much time with their child is the key to good parenting. However, research shows that quality time is more important than quantity. Here are some ways to focus on quality time with your child: 

  1. Set aside common one-on-one time with your child. It can be as uncomplicated as a weekly outing to a park, museum, or family game night. 
  2. Be present and engaged during your time together. Put out your mobile phone and other distractions and concentrate on enjoying the moment with your child. 
  3. Follow your child’s lead. Let your child choose the activity or conversation topic and show genuine interest and enthusiasm. 
  4. Practice active listening. Ask open-ended questions and listen to your child’s responses. It can help deepen your relationship and build trust. 

Coping with Guilt and Shame 

Quitting intensive parenting can be a difficult and emotional process. Parents may feel guilty or ashamed for not living up to societal expectations or their beliefs about parenting. Here are some practices to cope with these feelings: 

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s normal to feel guilty or ashamed when changing your parenting style. Recognize and accept these feelings and remember that making mistakes is okay. 
  2. Reframe Your Perspective: Instead of focusing on what you’re giving up, think about what you’re gaining by quitting intensive parenting. It might include more time for self-care, stronger relationships with your child, and a more relaxed and enjoyable family life. 
  3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and gentle with yourself as you make these changes. Remember that parenting is a journey, and there is no “right” way. Treat yourself with the exact love and compassion you would show your child. 

 

In terms of parenting, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to go about it. The benefits of witnessing our children mature and become independent and self-sufficient adults might be missed when we fall into the trap of intensive parenting. By examining your parenting style, placing self-care first, establishing reasonable expectations, and setting boundaries, you may start the process of having a more positive relationship with your child. There will be ups and downs throughout parenting; keep that in mind. However, you may support your child’s success and development into their best selves by adopting a more balanced strategy. 

The Best Approach to Parenting Teenagers: Balancing Control and Empathy

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Parenting teenagers can be a challenging and rewarding experience. Adolescence is a crucial development time that requires parents to balance the need for control and structure with empathy and understanding. Teenagers who try to find their place in the world often push boundaries and test limits. As a result, parents may feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to navigate this stage effectively. In this context, finding the best approach to parenting teenagers can significantly foster healthy relationships, promote independence, and support positive behaviors. This article will explore the key principles of effective parenting during adolescence, highlighting the importance of balancing control and empathy to raise confident, responsible, and resilient teenagers. 

  

Which Type of Parenting is Most Effective During Adolescence? 

Research suggests that authoritative parenting is the most effective during adolescence. This parenting style is characterized by setting clear expectations and rules while being warm, responsive, and supportive. Authoritative parents provide guidance and structure but allow their teenagers to have a say in decisions and encourage them to express their opinions and feelings. This approach promotes teenagers’ autonomy, responsibility, and self-esteem while fostering healthy parent-child relationships. On the other hand, parenting styles that are either too controlling or too permissive have been linked to negative outcomes such as low self-esteem, poor academic performance, and behavioral problems. Ultimately, the best approach to parenting during adolescence should balance control and empathy, considering the unique needs and characteristics of the individual teenager and the family dynamics. 

  

What are The Challenges of Parenting Teenagers? 

Parenting teenagers can be a challenging experience for various reasons, including: 

  

Emotional ups and downs: Adolescence is a pivotal phase with emotional and physical changes. However, it can also be difficult for teenagers who face societal norms, academic pressure, and peer influence. As a result, teenagers often encounter unpredictable mood swings and unsteady thoughts, leading to confusion and emotional turmoil. It is understandable that, as parents, comprehending the sudden change in your once cheerful child may be puzzling and irritating. However, realizing that these emotional ups and downs are entirely normal and will eventually pass is important. While navigating adolescence can be difficult, understanding and accepting our teenagers’ emotions is crucial in effectively supporting them. Let’s work together to help our teenagers navigate this challenging time with empathy and understanding. 

  

Struggles with identity: During teenage years, it’s common to grapple with figuring out your identity, resulting in experimentation with different behaviors, beliefs, and values. It can divide you and your parents, who may have different expectations. While this is a normal part of growing up, it’s important to approach it with care and communication. Open dialogue, active listening, and collaboration can help both parties navigate this challenging period together. By being empathetic and understanding, parents can support their teenagers through this phase, leading to a stronger relationship and a more confident sense of self. 

  

Communication barriers: As teenagers grow older and try to carve out their identities and independence, communication barriers can arise between them and their parents. The once-talkative teen may suddenly seem closed off and less willing to share their thoughts and feelings with their parents. For parents, it can be difficult to navigate the changing dynamics – they want to stay connected with their children and understand what they’re going through. Also, they need to give their teenager space to grow and learn independently. Both teens and parents must recognize the communication challenges during this crucial time and work together to bridge the gap. 

  

Peer pressure: During adolescence, peer pressure can become a driving force in shaping a teenager’s behavior. Young people often need to fit in with their social circles and may conform to their friends’ norms and expectations, even if it goes against their beliefs. It creates tension between teenagers and their parents, who may hold different values or rules. As parents and caregivers, it is important to have open and honest conversations with teenagers about the influence of peer pressure and to provide guidance and support in navigating these challenges. 

  

Risk-taking behaviors: It’s no secret that adolescence is a time of exploration and experimentation. Unfortunately, this often includes risky behaviors such as substance abuse, reckless driving, or unprotected sex. It can be difficult for parents to navigate the delicate balance between providing supervision and safety and allowing their teenagers the freedom to explore and grow. While it may be tempting to clamp down on their behavior and rules with an iron fist, it’s important to remember that adolescence is a time of growth and development. Sometimes, taking risks and making mistakes is a crucial part of that process. However, parents must provide a safe and stable environment for their teens while encouraging healthy communication and open dialogue about the potential consequences of risky behaviors. 

  

What is The Role of Control in Parenting Teenagers 

The role of control in parenting teenagers is to provide structure and guidance to help them develop self-discipline, responsibility, and healthy behaviors. While too much control can lead to resentment, rebellion, and a lack of autonomy, too little control can lead to risky behaviors, poor decision-making, and negative outcomes. Some ways that parents can implement appropriate control include: 

 

Setting clear expectations and rules 

As parents, it’s important to set clear expectations and rules for our teenagers to help them navigate the challenges of growing up. Communicating these guidelines in a non-threatening manner and respecting their need for autonomy can make all the difference in how they receive them. Setting curfews, assigning chores, and establishing academic expectations are all ways to provide structure and help your teenager develop a sense of responsibility. By setting these guidelines early on and enforcing them consistently, you can create a stable and supportive home environment for your teenager to thrive. 

  

Consistency and Consequences 

As teenagers navigate life, they often test boundaries and push limits. It is a normal part of their development, but parents must establish clear expectations and consequences. When rules are enforced, and consequences are applied, teenagers understand that their actions have consequences and are accountable for their behavior. They learn that their choices have real-world effects and that they must take responsibility for their actions. Consistency helps teenagers feel secure and confident in their role as responsible individuals. It’s not always easy, but as parents, being consistent and following through on consequences is critical to helping our teenagers become responsible adults. 

  

Monitoring and supervision 

As teenagers become more independent and explore the world around them, parents need to keep a watchful eye without overstepping boundaries. Monitoring and supervision are key for parents to maintain their child’s safety and well-being while allowing them the freedom to live. Communication is vital in achieving a balance where both parties feel respected and understood. Parents can positively reinforce good behavior while providing guidance when needed by being involved in their teenager’s life and showing support and encouragement. Ultimately, a healthy dose of monitoring and supervision helps teenagers feel cared for while building their sense of responsibility and independence. 

  

Encouraging autonomy 

Teenagers require autonomy to enhance their decision-making skills, and as parents, it is crucial to create an environment that encourages it. Allowing teens to make choices and take responsibility for their actions prepares them for the challenges of adulthood. It is possible to provide guidance and set limitations while creating a space for independent thinking. Parents can facilitate this growth by encouraging trust and open communication. In doing so, teens can demonstrate their maturity by making informed choices that show they are responsible, accountable, and capable of handling whatever the future may hold. 

  

Parenting teenagers is no easy feat, but it can be immensely rewarding when approached from the right angle. With consistent effort and thoughtfulness, parents can foster the development of their adolescent children into confident, responsible and resilient young adults. Families can manage these years without feeling overwhelmed or helpless by combining structure, control, and boundaries with empathy, understanding, and compassion. Ultimately, trust in yourself and your parenting tools is key – remind yourself that you guide them through a crucial stage in their development towards independence and adulthood. Give yourself the credit you deserve – you’ve got this! 

How to Start a Counseling Private Practice for Couples

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Pursuing a rewarding career in counseling offers a unique opportunity to assist people in overcoming obstacles and enhancing their quality of life. If you want to elevate your practice beyond traditional settings, launching your private counseling center may be the perfect venture for you! Though this undertaking can initially seem daunting, we’ve compiled some key tips that will ensure success when establishing a private practice—so read on to get equipped with all the knowledge needed for embarking on this exciting journey. 

Step 1: Start from Preparation 

If you’re determined to ensure your couples counseling practice succeeds, it takes hard work and dedication to take the necessary steps. 

Identifying Your Target Audience. To begin your private couples counseling practice, the primary step is defining who you intend to serve. Are they newlyweds? Couples with kids? Consider folks in the middle of a divorce. Identifying who you want as clients makes tailoring your services and outreach efforts much simpler. 

Securing Vital Licenses and Certifications. It would help if you developed the required permits and accreditations within your state or country to practice counseling professionally. It includes a master’s degree in counseling, social work, or psychology and applicable licensure from your state or nation. 

Securing Your Budget. When starting a private counseling practice for couples, having the resources to purchase equipment, rent space, and create marketing materials is crucial. To make sure you are financially prepared, consider how you will fund these initial expenses as a good plan a budget for ongoing items like monthly rent payments or insurance premiums. Additionally, consider allocating money towards campaigns to help advertise your services and reach more potential clients. 

Creating a Business Plan. To ensure the success of your private couple’s counseling practice, it is imperative to have a comprehensive business plan in place. This plan should encompass goals and objectives, target consumer base, services offered, marketing tactics utilized, and financial forecasts. With an effective blueprint for success crafted ahead of time, you can confidently step into the world of entrepreneurship, knowing that all aspects are thoughtfully addressed. 

Choosing a Location. When selecting the ideal spot for your private counseling practice, it is essential to think about every detail. You must pick a place that is conveniently located and cozy for clients, as well as one which meets all your legal demands. Whether you rent a space or work from home depends on financial resources and individual preferences. 

Step 2: Setting Up Your Practice 

Once you have completed the preparations for starting a private counseling practice for couples, the next step is setting up your practice. 

Creating a Website. A website is essential for marketing your counseling services to potential clients. It should include information about your services, qualifications, and contact information. Also, include a blog or resource section with articles on topics related to couple’s therapy. 

Establishing Your Brand. Your brand is how you present your private counseling practice to the world. It includes your business name, logo, and visual identity. Your brand should be consistent across all transaction materials, including your website, business cards, and social media profiles. 

Crafting Promotional Materials. To promote your counseling services, you’ll need to produce marketing materials that are professionally designed, visually captivating, and stay true to the brand’s identity. Such items could include business cards, brochures, flyers, or ads. 

Setting Your Fees. You must determine how much you will charge for your counseling services. Consider your area’s market rates, your experience level, and the demand for your services. You can offer discounts for clients who purchase multiple sessions in advance. 

Developing a Client Intake Process. Your client intake process is how you screen potential clients and gather information about their needs and goals. It may include a phone or email consultation, a client questionnaire, and an initial assessment session. Your intake process should be professional, efficient, and welcoming to potential clients.

Step 3: Building Your Client Base 

Building a client base is critical to starting and growing a successful private counseling practice for couples. 

Establish Connections with Other Professionals. Create meaningful connections and reap the rewards of referrals by actively networking with other professionals in related industries, including marriage and family therapists, psychologists, and social workers. Make sure to attend conferences, workshops, or any other professional events that will allow you to meet like-minded individuals from whom you can learn more about your field. 

Maximize the Potential of Social Media. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can be highly beneficial for marketing your counseling services and connecting with potential customers. Put out interesting and captivating content, engage with followers frequently, and launch targeted ads to reach an ideal consumer base. Utilizing these tools is a surefire way to bring in new clientele! 

Participate in Networking Events. It is wise to take advantage of networking events, like health fairs and local community gatherings, as they are great opportunities to connect with prospective customers and referral sources. Obtain business cards and promotional materials to share with the attendees. 

Take Advantage of Referrals. Satisfied customers and professional contacts can greatly benefit your business growth. So why not encourage clients to refer to their friends, acquaintances, or family members? Also, nurture strong relationships with colleagues who may become referral sources. Word-of-mouth referrals from these connections will prove invaluable to the success of your venture! 

Invest in Advertising. If you want to extend your reach and attract more leads, advertising is a great way to do it. Look into local newspapers, radio, or TV stations for promotional opportunities and use Google Ads and Facebook Ads. Monitor the performance of your campaigns carefully so that you can make changes if needed to maximize your investment returns. 

 

Step 4: Providing Quality Services 

Providing quality services is essential for building a successful private counseling practice for couples. Here are some strategies to ensure that you are providing top-notch services: 

Conduct Thorough Assessments. Thorough assessments are essential for understanding clients’ needs and goals. It includes conducting an initial assessment session and using assessment tools and questionnaires as needed. Gather information about the couple’s history, strengths, challenges, and focus areas for therapy. 

Establish a Treatment Plan. Based on the knowledge gathered during the assessment process, develop a comprehensive treatment plan outlining the therapy goals, strategies, and expected outcomes. Involve your clients in the treatment planning to ensure they are invested in it. 

Incorporate Evidence-Based Practices. Evidence-based practices are therapeutic interventions scientifically validated through research studies. Incorporate these practices into your counseling sessions to ensure you use the most effective strategies to help your clients achieve their goals. 

Cultivate a practice of discovering something novel every day. As a couple’s therapist, it is essential to remain current on the most recent research and best practices to stay knowledgeable and competent. Take full advantage of opportunities like workshops, conferences, and training programs to develop your skillset further and grow your knowledge base. 

Create a Secure and Inviting Atmosphere. Establishing a secure and inviting space for your clients is of utmost importance. It includes preserving confidentiality, upholding privacy regulations, and creating an atmosphere that welcomes them into your office. Pay close attention to lighting, temperature settings, and seating possibilities so they can feel comfortable throughout their session with you. 

 

As a final reminder, never forget the impact your work as a couples’ therapist has on those you serve. By delivering high-quality services and adhering to ethical practices while constantly growing professionally, you can make an essential difference in the lives of couples seeking help. You will also feel greater gratification from owning a thriving counseling private practice dedicated to helping them! 

 

Olivia (Heart failure)

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We all have a story to tell.  Our stories usually tell of our experiences.  Some stories of experience help change the way we handle ourselves, or approach difficult situations in the future, and some stories of experience are happy and some are sad.  Some stories of experience rock the core of our very being.  The story that we are about to tell you has done all of that, and more.

So, where do we begin?  It was a normal pregnancy, through the very hot summer months of 1999.  We knew that we were having a little girl in June, 1999.  We were so happy.  I never realized how much I wanted a daughter.  I always said, just give me a healthy baby because at my age, I cannot push my luck.  Dan, he was happy that we were having another child and that she was healthy.  But, when I found out that I was having a little girl, I began to plan.   I thought about what she looked like, what kind of clothes I would have her in, what her bedroom would look like, and of course, was she going to have the same temperament as me!!!  I figured her to be a little girl with a feisty temperament.  She was constantly moving. In fact, I felt her moving at 11 weeks.  She did not stop moving until that fateful day, when our lives turned upside, forever.

I saw the doctor for my weekly routine visit on September 30, 1999.  All was fine.  I was 36.5 weeks pregnant but felt about 45 weeks pregnant.  I wanted to deliver that day.  We were all prepared at home.  The house had been cleaned top to bottom.  Olivia?s room was in order.  Her clothes were washed and ironed and hanging in the closet.  Dan and myself were ready.

I woke up at 7:10 AM on Saturday, October 2, 1999.  I did not feel her moving.  I lay in bed for 5 minutes.  Frankie woke up, and as Dan and I were waiting for his protests to get a little stronger, I told Dan, ?I don?t feel her moving.?  I lay there a little while longer and still did not feel her move.   I had to get my haircut that day.  So assuming Olivia was getting too big to move as freely, but still concerned, I got up and cleaned myself up.  Throughout the next three hours, I concentrated on her movements.  I did not feel them!!  I went home after my haircut, choosing not to run errands.  I ate a bowl of cereal with sugar on it, thinking that it would increase her movements.  I lay down to count the kicks.  After 15 minutes, I felt no movements, so I called the doctor.  He asked me to come in to be checked.  His demeanor was such that I thought perhaps I was over reacting but it was better to be safe than sorry.  We had lunch and brought Frankie with us to the hospital.

I walked in to the Labor and Delivery unit feeling stupid.   The nurses knew to expect me.  One nurse placed me in a small room and promptly placed me on the external fetal monitor.  Quickly finding Olivia?s heartbeat, at 120 beats a minute, my immediate response was, ?okay, I can go home now.?  The nurses? response was, ?not so fast.?  Dr. Mallinger came in and reviewed the non-stress test monitor.  He told me that her heart rate was non-reactive.  I had no idea what that meant.  All I knew is that she had a heartbeat.  That is what mattered to me, but obviously not him.  They explained that her heart rate was not fluctuating up and down as she moves.  So, a sonogram was done.  Sound waves were bounced through my belly, and Olivia did not move in response to the sound waves.  I was still clueless, like nothing was wrong!!  The plan from this point was to put me in a more comfortable bed and watch Olivia more closely.  If she did not move in the next 20 minutes, I was to have a stress test with a Pitocin drip and possibly deliver her that day.  I got up from the table and followed the nurse.  While doing so, the external monitor slipped out of place.  I got back in to bed, and the nurse placed the probe on my belly.  At first at I thought that she could not find Olivia?s heart rate.  I was getting ?pissy? because I thought that she did not know what she was doing.  She called in another nurse who found a heart rate, at 80 beats a minute.  At first they thought that it was mine.  A sonographer brought in his sonogram machine and placed it on my abdomen.  Olivia?s heart was only beating 80 beats a minute!!!!!  All of a sudden, cords were ripped off of my belly; the bed cord was ripped out of the wall and down the hall I flew in the bed with nurses and doctors at my side.  I always said if one more person was at my side, I would have been airborne.  I went down the hall screaming out Dan?s name.  He had left to call my parents to come down to the hospital.  We needed them!!!  Oh yes, Frankie was with us the whole time!!!

It was at this point that I felt as though I was having an out of body experience.  I was placed on the operating table where several people approached me.  I heard, ?Susan, I am going to start an IV, Susan, I am going to put a catheter in your bladder, Susan, I am going to put a blood pressure cuff on this arm, Susan, I am going to put an oxygen mask on you.?   Then I felt a wet solution on my belly, and at the same time, I heard, ?Susan, you are going to feel a cold solution on your belly.?  Through all of this, my obstetrician, Dr. Mallinger said, ?Susan, your baby needs to come out now.?  They let Dan in because I kept screaming his name.  When he did come in, I couldn?t talk.  I just wanted to see him, to know that he was there, and all I managed to eek out, was ?call my parents.?  I was scared to death.  The last thing I remember was hearing the anesthetist, ?Susan, you are going to go to sleep now.  Take a deep breath in.?  As I lay on the table falling asleep, I kept saying over and over, ?GOD, please let me baby be okay, please let my baby be okay.?  Olivia was born at 2:09 PM.

I awoke two hours later to the sound of the neonatologist talking in my left ear and Dan on my right.  I opened my eyes and immediately heard, ?it is not a good situation.?  I heard the words, ?anemic,? ?very low blood pH,? ?we need to make a decision.?  I immediately cried out.  I wanted to see her.  They wheeled me on the stretcher to the Intensive Care Nursery, where I saw Olivia for the very first time.  There were monitors, lines and tubes everywhere.  She was on a ventilator and a nurse was beside her pushing blood from a large syringe in to her umbilical IV line.  Through all of this, I saw the most beautiful little baby girl I had ever seen.  I saw her black, curly hair, her long delicate fingers and hands and long skinny feet.  She had olive-colored skin and her eyes were slightly opened. I kept thinking, ?they have made a mistake, this is not my baby.  My baby is okay.?  The neonatologist explained in detail what happened, what her lab tests were like and what was the expected outcome.  ?This is not a good situation,? she kept saying over and over.  She was gently telling me that Olivia was not going to survive and that her medical condition was going to become worse.  She then suggested that if we pull the tubes and the IVs, they would dress Olivia and bring her to us and then take pictures.  We could hold her for as long as we wanted.  Dan and I agreed to stop all heroic measures.  But before we discontinued everything, I wanted her baptized.  Olivia?s nurse knew that we were Catholic.  She attempted to find a Catholic priest on call in the hospital or one that was available from the church across the street.  No priest was available, and the hospital chaplain was one hour away.  A respiratory therapist working in the ICN knew of a Catholic priest recovering from open-heart surgery in the hospital.  He was medically stable and was getting ready to go home soon.  The therapist went down to his room and brought him up.  Olivia was baptized, and it was then that she was named Olivia Anne Bevevino, after her maternal great-grandmother.

Olivia was dressed and brought to me.  Ironically, I brought an outfit from home for her, just in case.  They brought her to me wrapped in a quilt donated by the hospital staff. She was still alive when I first held her.  She opened her eyes as I spoke to her, then she closed them.  I gazed down at her beautiful face.  She looked like Dan.  I marveled at every feature. Held her little tiny hand, and admired perfectly formed nail beds.  Her hands were so feminine!!  She took a few breaths and then stopped.  She quietly slipped away at 5:58 PM in my arms.

The next two days were a blur.  I kept thinking that this was a dream and I was going to wake up. I could not believe that it was happening.  Did this really happen?  There I sat in my hospital bed wondering what happened, why did it happen, and where do I go from here?  Where is she?  Is she really with GOD?  Is she watching us?  Can she come back to us one more time?  Did she know that I loved her with all of my being?   What did I do to her?

You see, when Olivia died, a part of us died with her.  Here we are three years later, and two children more, and we still struggle with her death, our loss.  The depth of the pain is unbelievable.  We still cannot believe that it has happened to us.  There are good days and there are bad days.  What else in the future will hurt us this deeply?  We miss her so much.  We would do anything to hold her, and see that sweet little face again.   Life is so, so precious.

Lana (Down Syndrome and Spina Bifida)

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Falling pregnant with Lana wasn’t going to be short of emotions. Our son was 3 and very excited to have a new baby at home.  We could say we were the average 2.2 children family with a mortgage and a dog. I thought that we were stable, financially secure and professionally content. All was perfect.

I came close to not having a 12-week scan because of work commitments, but I managed to squeeze in the hour out of my busy schedule.  I remember looking at my watch thinking hurry up; I have a meeting at 3! while the sonographer was taking his time looking at the screen. When I found out my baby had most likely Spina Bifida I was devastated, but when they told me the baby was also looking like he had Down Syndrome as well was impossible to bear. I couldn’t picture going to the shops with a child that could never walk nor think (so I assumed). My husband was even more upset, as he had never been sure about having another child. One of our main arguments was always about who wanted the baby and whose fault it was.  I guess we tried to blame everyone, from each other to God, from the medical staff to the in-laws who smoked.   We didnt have an abortion because we had decided on giving the child up for adoption; at the time we felt it was a good solution.

As the pregnancy progressed, I received a lot of support from family, from friends as well as medical staff. I was advised to meet with other mums who had children with DS and Spina Bifida before making my mind up and I did. The children I saw were happy children who played and talked and who always showed a caring behaviour towards their friends and siblings. We decided to hang on making a decision until the baby would be born. When she was born, the midwives were so nice. They treated us like normal people, which we were!! Shortly after her birth, we decided to keep Lana. She became the sunshine in our lives. She was a happy baby, always smiling. Everybody looked at her because she looked so cute rather than because she was Down Syndrome and she won a baby show at 5 months old!

Lana is now 16 months old, of course she is different from other children, her gross motor skills are slow and she cannot travel like other toddlers would. Right now, to us Down Syndrome means loving as Lana always shows a friendly and bubbly personality. It is hard to summarise 2 years in a few pages and while I understand why we were so distressed by Lana’s diagnosis, I believe it was not accurate. Lana is not and never will be a burden. She is loved as much as other children are and her progress is constant.